A tribute to my wife.

The series that we ended last week, Jon and Kate PLUS, is one that has obviously had a powerful impact on people in and around UCF. This whole topic of marriage and parenting is so close to my heart because I know it is so close to God's heart. It was God that create this whole idea of marriage, 1000's of years ago, so it kind of stands to reason that everyone ought to at least consider his ideas about marriage, particularly if your marriage doesn't seem to be working out the way you planned.

I love talking about the challenges of marriage and being authentic with the struggle we all face. Each time I do I am reminded of the gift that God has given me in my wife, Mendy. For those of you that don't know, Mendy and I met when her family began attending the church where my family attended in Knoxville, TN. We were good friends for a few years and Mendy tells the story that she said to her mom when she was 13, "I am going to marry David Henderson." Her mom told her she didn't even really know what marriage was, but that did not deter Mendy. We were married five years later on May 23, 1992.

If there is one characteristic that shines out in my wife, it is a "whatever it takes, servant-like devotion." She has always loved me and I have always been able to count on it. There are two challenges (actually more but two that stand out) to being married to me. One is ME. I am not easy to be married to, in the high times, life could not be better and in the low times everything seems dim. It takes a special person just to love me through the highs, the lows and everything in between. The second challenge is the path (sometimes I call it a burden... like the prophets referred to it) that God has chosen for my life. Midway through my freshman year at the University of Tennessee, God led me to give up my current course of study to follow His leadership and become a pastor. I don't care who you are, it isn't easy being married to a pastor. There is a struggle between work/home that is always blurry. There is spiritual opposition to everything you are trying to do and be as a married couple and as a family. There are endless expectations from others around you, who rarely understand that anyone has any expectations of you at all. For all of these reasons and more, being married to me isn't easy. Yet, God knew that it would take someone with radical "whatever it takes" devotion to be my wife and He convinced her early on to want to marry me.

Mendy has displayed her devotion to me in countless ways, but rather than just calling them "countless" and leaving it at that, I wanted to let everyone else know a few of the ways this woman has loved me with a reckless devotion.

-We decided to get married after her freshman year of college. She was studying early childhood education at the University of Tennessee. I had just graduated from college and was planning on starting and completing graduate school as soon as possible. We knew graduate school was going to cost a lot of money and decided it would be best to work hard and save for a year before beginning. This meant us both getting full time jobs (in addition to the "part time" youth ministry position I had) to save. It also meant that she would quit pursuing her degree. This was done with gladness and devotion.

-When we were married in '92, I had already been a youth pastor for 3 years. My youth were used to David (the single guy) being able to hang out at all hours of the day (AND night). Whatever these 7th-12th grade students needed to take the next step in their spiritual journey, I did my best to provide. When we got married, we moved closer to the church to be even more engaged in the community. Mendy jumped right in with the entire church community. She loved deeply and poured herself into many of the girls in our group as well as many others in that church. She tolerated the late night "drop in's" and the come and go at all hours from many of the youth.

-Fourteen months after we were married, we moved to Dallas, TX so I could attend Dallas Theological Seminary. Moving 15 hours away for some might not seem that big of a deal, but nearly all of Mendy's family and extended family lived in and around Knoxville. Getting together for birthdays, holidays etc was at least a monthly gathering, gatherings that we would no longer be a part of. We knew God wanted us in Dallas, Mendy always maintained that same "whatever it takes" devotion. We have never moved back to Knoxville and I know at times the distance has been difficult, but we know God’s promises for those who have left father and mother to follow him.

-As I found a part-time youth pastor position in Dallas, Mendy worked full time to put me through grad school. We graduated with no school debt... whatever it takes.

-For the last nine months of her job in Dallas, Mendy was pregnant with Megan. At one point early in the pregnancy, the doctor's became very concerned and warned us that we might lose this baby. I saw fear in Mendy's eyes and felt it in my voice as we prayed, and at the same time I saw an amazing determination and resolve. The doctor's said Mendy needed a specific medicine that seemed to be very difficult for them to find and needed it as soon as possible. Through many calls, Mendy found the medicine before our doctors office did. We believed then and still do that this doctor’s diagnosis and the timeliness of the medication saved Megan’s life… devotion… whatever it takes.

-We moved to eastern NC for my first job as a Senior Pastor. I was 26 and Mendy was 22. She adapted to a small town of 8000 people surrounded by farmland. It was a great place to start a family, but a very lonely place for Mendy. I watched her struggle, but always gracefully and willingly because we knew God had called us there.

-Two years into this position, I knew God was growing us and changing us. He was doing a work in both of our hearts that would totally change the direction of our lives and our ministry. Up until this point we were pretty comfortable people in a comfortable church with a comfortable future ahead of us. God had different plans. The next 2 ½ years God shaped in both our hearts a deep love for people far away from God and far away from the church. He placed in us a deep desire to pursue them with our lives. This is NOT a comfortable transformation, particularly when you act on it. And act on it we did. I remember being with Mendy at the 1st Evangelism conference that Willow Creek Community Church ever held. I stood in the parking lot of a grocery store in South Barrington, ILL after two days of that conference and Mendy and I said to each other, “I will not waste my life anymore focusing on comfortable religious people. I will take the message of Christ into the dark places in our world.” The reality of our lives now can be traced to that day. It was maybe a bigger stretch for Mendy than for me… and of course all I saw was devotion… to me… but more importantly to our Savior Jesus Christ… what it takes!

-A few years later this decision led us to begin a new church. We moved to Charlotte in June of 2000. When we committed to do this Mendy was pregnant with our third child and we had a secure income of $1,000 per month. The rest of our salary would be up to us to come up with. This situation alone would have been enough for many women to say, “no way… enough… I have to have more security than that.” Mendy didn’t just go along with it, she genuinely welcomed the insecurity as we stayed devoted to our God and His call on our life. Mendy gave birth to Jacob on August 14th, 45 days after we moved to Charlotte. Oh and we had the first gathering of UCF in our living room on July 20 with 14 people…. Whatever it takes!

-The first year of church planting is a total whirlwind. In those days there were not a ton of resources on church planting and truth be known, we really didn’t know what we were doing. But God called and He blessed. Mendy worked beside me every step of the way. She did not attend a service for the first year of our church because she gave herself to making sure the children’s areas were being led well… by her. She also quickly found herself cooking once a week for about 50-70 college students at our house… it was a zoo at our house. In August of 2001, Mendy called me mid morning to come home because she was not feeling well. Minutes later I was taking her to the Emergency Room. For 6 anxious days, Mendy was in excruciating pain that only subsided with pain medication that knocked her out. The diagnosis was double pneumonia and meningitis. All of this was simply brought on by fatigue. After 9 days in the hospital, Mendy came home. She missed Jacob’s 1st birthday because of her hospital stay. When I say we have given our lives to follow God’s call to begin this church, I mean it. We definitely tried to make some adjustments in our schedule, but with three preschoolers and a new church there wasn’t much room… devotion… whatever it takes.

-Through the years Mendy has watched me go through some amazing highs and some deep valleys. She has seen first hand my joys and pains and she has been with me on every emotional roller coaster ride I have taken her on. She has tried to buffer our family from the difficult days and protect our home from the struggles, but it is kind of hard when you open your home to everyone and truly love and serve them while they are there… a servant-minded devotion… whatever it takes.

-After giving birth to Lindsay in October of 2003, Mendy and I faced the most difficult time of our life to this point. She was diagnosed with heart failure brought on by the pregnancy and delivery. Three months after this diagnosis, we believed we were facing the need for a heart transplant (I have written a blog on this time title “Heart Failure”). Although she had NO energy and the medication completely fatigued her even more, Mendy did whatever was needed for our marriage and for our family. I watched her drag herself out of bed to serve our family and our community… and try to get rest in the momentary down times. I watched her wrestle with God and I wrestled with her. This lasted for three years, before the Lord healed her heart… devotion… whatever it takes.

-With each new stage that our children enter into, Mendy is there, fully present. She is the force that makes me a better dad by reminding me to do the little things and the big things that make our family what it is. Our kids don’t fully know, and maybe they never will, but Mendy’s devotion to me and to them is immeasurable. She knows what is needed and just figures out a way to make it happen… a servant minded devotion… whatever it takes.

-I have an enduring HOPE for things that are not real yet. I dream often about what could be and what should be. I look at the person furthest away from God and simply dream about what their life could be like if they went ALL OUT in their devotion to God. This leads me to dream and hope out loud a lot. Usually it is Mendy who is listening to the idealistic ramblings and outrageous dreams about what the Kingdom could be here and around the world. She has poured herself into others with me. It’s the kind of sacrifice that you only make when you have such a tremendous hope for what a person could be and should be. But hoping deeply also creates the potential to hurt deeply when it doesn’t work out or when evil wins a battle. I have watched Mendy both hope and hurt and she has been my comfort in my own hoping and hurting times… whatever it takes.

-I watched God call my wife to join Him in His work in Ethiopia. Mendy who is not nearly as ambitious as I am and hates to fly obediently said “yes” when God led her to go. You may look at her now and think she was ALL IN from the beginning, but in the beginning I know she went out of pure obedience to God and His voice. Four trips later and full of amazing stories of God’s work, Mendy’s obedience to go to Ethiopia has formed and shaped us in huge ways… devotion…. Whatever it takes!

-I really could go on and on, but I will stop with this one. I am currently watching Mendy’s devotion directed toward Tizita and Geremew (our two kids in Ethiopia that we are waiting to adopt). She has never met them, and they do not know it, but there is already a deep devotion to them in her heart. They are already treated like they are our kids. I can’t wait for the day that her devotion to this adoption leads to it’s completion. I want these kids to see the eyes of their mom and feel her servant minded devotion and on that day they will know that they have a mom who will always do WHATEVER IT TAKES!

You simply amaze me.